Thankful Thinking...Comparing Ways of Life

These are a few examples of inconveniences or an unfulfilled desires or longings because I'm an expat used to a different way of life....and I compare it to a common way of life in India.  These are some things I see and things that go on all over India.  Just a few examples:

When I wish I could just quickly run to the store and buy some fruit snacks, sugary cereal, pepperoni, or familiar convenient foods, or a Dr. Pepper...I think about the sweet little beggar child that just asks for food or a little bit of change to make some chapati. 

When I wish I could take a long, uninterrupted hot shower or wash my dishes in hot water, I think about ladies that walk miles with jugs on their heads to wait in line to pump water and carry home to their families because they have no running water.

When I wish I could be secure in the thought of calling 911 for medical help or in case of trouble, I think of people who live really remotely and have no money, transportation, or even possibility to get to a hospital.

When I think it's uncomfortable in our house or hot in my kitchen, I think about the people that live in tarps and leaning boards every single day of their lives.

When I think my kids have been inside too much or live a boring, simple life, I think about the children that are in the streets on their parents' hips all day long while they walk from car to car in intersections asking for money to get milk for their kids or medicine.

When I'm sad that I don't get to see my family or friends for a few years, I can think of the ladies and girls that have been tricked into trafficking, promised a better life, and may just never see their families, friends, or homes ever again!

When I am hot and sticky because the power is off....or worse--trying to sleep without power--I can think of the millions that sleep outside in the elements of the weather every day of their lives.

When I think of petty little things I don't like about my bathroom (but have gotten quite used to), I can think of the people that use the field behind my house for their bathroom or the people that shower outside on the streets near a source of water.

When I wear a different kind of clothing because I live in a place where my preferred choice of clothing is not the better option, I can think some of the ladies that don't have much say in what they wear--it's determined by other members of their family, like their mother-in-laws.

It's a great opportunity to have my eyes opened to the way people live all over the world.  I'm thankful to have this opportunity that helps me be thankful and not take little things for granted, but rather see them as gifts and luxuries.

I must admit that over the weekend, I wasn't really having a heart of gratitude.  I wasn't really thinking like some of the ways I listed and drafted above last week.  I was struggling badly to think rightly and fighting for joy.  We ran out of water, as monsoon is leaving.  A little friend stole something belonging to our kids, and it's frustrating to not be able to trust friends even...and our kids have a hard time.  There were lots of little things and stresses that push my buttons going on that put me in a specific place to fight for joy by being thankful and also by thinking of the Gospel in my life.  When I see my heart struggling with such petty thoughts and loving things, little comforts, and ease more than my Savior, I long to love Him more and be more content in Him. Deep down, I know that He is the only one that gives peace, contentment and joy that is indescribable.

When, I'm struggling with the ways of my host country because my home country is different and easier and the "normal" and comfortable for me, I can remember....all the while, I know that I'm not longing for my passport home, which is fallen and so imperfect as well, but I'm longing for my Heavenly home.  When, I'm thinking I want to leave and "go home" and that everything would be better "at home," I must fight for joy in hardships and remember the Gospel and WHY we live here and WHY we endure and WHY we will stay!!!

Thought Processes to Thankfulness

This is a wordy, pictureless post...
but it shares some big things in my heart right now that I'm thankful to God to reveal and show to me. 
I hope He uses it to spur you on to Himself and to have insight into my life and heart.

Today, I've been a little frustrated throughout the day...power out for a while today, toddlers running around and crying a little more than normal, squabbles between older kids, day 4 of being home without a husband, hard things going on with a friend that weigh heavy in my mind, etc...just the normal things that make any mama frustrated and a little on edge.

As some of the kids' sheets were finally dry, I was taking them up from the dryer (a wonderful, amazing appliance added to our home just recently) to make their beds.  I still had remainders of grumbling in my heart previously because it would've been better if they were dry 4 hours ago--if they power had not been off--when I was putting the littles down for naps so they could've had their blankets and slept in their own beds, etc.  Then, I heard kids playing out of the open window to the field.  I often hear sounds and things going on that just incline me to look in the crazy field behind our house.  Some of you have heard stories of this field.  Today, there were slum kids playing in some nasty water from the monsoon that pools up behind our house.  It started such a thought process to thankfulness in my mind that is so familiar for me with living in India.  I often see something so different from my way of life that makes me sad or wonder or smile...and then I reflect...and often it leads to thankfulness.  You see, this same water seeps into our water tank during monsoon and makes our water like mud.  I HATE this water during monsoon.  I'm so unthankful and frustrated about the water situation a lot.  I'm convinced it carries giardia or all kinds of microscopic parasites and amoebas that make us sick.  We are just sicker in monsoon than any other time....especially the little two that don't understand that drinking bath water will make you violently vomit or visit the toilet way too much all day long.  They don't understand that not drying their hands well or putting your toothbrush under the sink water is just bad for your health.  So, this water is just not good water for us. 

But, for these slum kids or maybe they are the shepherd kids that actually live in this said field, this water is a blessing.  They wash their clothes in it.  They take baths in it.  They use it for cooking.  They play in it like it is a swimming pool.  So, you see, it's just all relative in how one looks at it and sees it.  Instead of cursing my kids' muddy bath water and declaring we're not taking anymore baths until monsoon is over, I am inclined to be thankful....thankful I have a water tank that bring water right into pipes inside my house.  Thankful I don't have to walk to a well and pump water.  Thankful I don't have to go to a muddy puddle in a field.  Thankful I have a water filter that amazingly cleanses this water and is healthy for us to drink.  Thankful I even have a hot water heater that heats up this water too, simply to make it pleasant to take a bath--a luxury here.  Thankful, that even when it's so dry and hot that wells don't produce much water, I have the $$ and the ability to get water delivered to our house.  So, this is what I mean when I speak of my thought processes to thankfulness.

I really do love living in India, and I'm glad we're here for so many reasons.  One of the reasons I love living in India is because it truly exposes and brings to light a lot of my sin that I personally am blinded to when living in the US.  I'm not saying that I don't see my sin in America....believe me, it's there--desires and covetousness, and other discontentment brings other things to light on that side of the world that I actually don't struggle as much with here.  But, I would definitely say for me, personally, when I'm in the US, some of my sin can easily be hidden and pacified with comfort, ease, familiar, convenient, beauty, security, and distractions when we're in America.  It's just harder to see certain sins in my life.  When I'm in India...it's blatant and in my face and can just make me sick to my stomach when I'm not more broken or saddened or when I'm callous or numb.  When I'm in India and normal life is harder, I'm squeezed a little harder, and when I'm squeezed....more of this sin comes dripping out, showing me it's ugly self!  Also, in India, my eyes are opened to a different worldview and different culture and a different way of life for a lot of the world that makes me see more ugliness of my selfishness, my ungenerous heart, my skeptical heart, my pride, my discontentment and my lack of thanks.

My intentions here are to share my personal experience of how the Lord teaches me living overseas, I'm not wanting to convey that I believe one is not capable of learning and seeing these kind of things when living in the US.  I'm simply thankful that I can see one more grace in how the Lord makes Himself known to me personally and refines me by being obedient and living abroad.  These graces bless my soul--especially when times are hard!

When I'm having a tough time or being discontent, I can often jerk myself back into better thinking by simply thinking of how "it could always be worse" or think of someone that is in a tougher situation than myself.  Or, when the going gets tough, I can think of my "worst case scenario" and then I realize I'll get through this.  I definitely admit, this isn't "The Gospel" nor is it really "right thinking."  But, generally, this is my personality, my default, and how I often start thinking through things as I process what's going on in my mind and get on my way to right thinking or Biblical Thinking or "Gospel-centered" thinking. 

I so often, see some of my selfishness and self-centeredness in my discontentment.  Therefore, seeing my sin and my pride, and my yuck.  I know a lot of my "thinking of the worser" attitude is very self-help, psychological-like counseling, and it's not sustainable because it isn't eternal.  There have been some times in the recent years, where I just couldn't make or help myself to think rightly because I truly needed the Gospel and the only eternal hope that gets us out of the pits of sadness and hard times.  That is the Gospel, the truth, the sustainable hope that we need to think rightly.  So, I recognize this so much as right, true, and the only hope.  It's always best and right to think and reflect on our lives biblically and in light of the Gospel.  These thoughts I want to share, however, are more along the lines of being thankful.  So, that's kind of my disclaimer for this post.  I sure do like to give disclaimers. 

So now....back to grace in seeing my discontentment and unthankfulness in light of living in India.  It is grace because it leads me to confession and repentance...and thankfulness and contentment...and that is a good place to be!

This has gotten wordy and rather long, so I'm dividing it up in to another post....

Sharing Sufferings: Hardships in India--Part 2

Part 2--continued from yesterday's post

Never Ever Fitting In

One of my dear friends that has lived in South Asia longer than me, that has more national friends than me, that speaks better Hindi than me, that doesn't have as many home/child demands (at least not yet) as me, whose children go to an Indian school, and such...will still say even as all of those things that possibly help in making friends and having relationships, the truth is....we will still be outsiders.  And, that is hard to think that all the time we live here, all the investments, all the language learning, the moving of our lives and families to give them to this place, all these hardships we endure....that we will still, always be an outsider....that's a hard thought!  Just to clarify--Being an outsider is different from being a friend or having a good relationship.  I do believe those are very doable.

Beggars

It's hard to see poverty all around you all the time....and it's even sadder when you find yourself getting used to it and less and less phased by it.  It's hard to be in an auto rickshaw and have little dirty and dusty little scarred and marred hands tapping your leg and asking for money--even the smallest amount so they can have "bread to eat."  That is just heartbreaking.  It's hard when your own children out of compassion want to give and give to them, but they don't understand how sometimes that very giving could just hurt those kids and other kids and the "circle" of this even more.  It's sad to not know what to do to help them...and to feel helpless and like you have no heart at all because sometimes you do nothing.  Ugh!  It's hard when you try to do something like buy them some bananas and they pridefully say, no I don't want that, I want papaya or chocolate.  Or when your kids intentionally plan and save uneaten, good food from McDonald's because they really want to give it to them, and then the older, bigger kids swarm and hit the one--the specific one--your kids were wanting to give to and take it away and eat it.  It's also sweet when you figure out little things you can do and you get a chance to know some of these kids because you see them "working" in the same spot and can chat with them and give them food or little pieces of candy or little toys.

Bribes

People asking for bribes.  Figuring out when it's a bribe or when it is and "expedition fee" that you should give because that is the way it is done in this culture.  Or wondering if people are just always asking for extra money from you because they assume or expect that you are rich and wealthy because of your white skin (AKA the "skin tax") when you are not.  It's hard to feel like you have to judge motives and try to discern what is right all the while wanting to be compassionate and generous and help those in need.  It's hard to know when you fight over that $0.25 or $0.10 (ridiculous and absurd to fight over, I know) to make a point or just get over it because it is just $1.  Feeling torn in these situations gets so old and hard and you have to fight the temptation or tendency (or maybe both) to just not do anything or labor in thought about what you can and should do.

Eunuchs

It's hard when the Eunuchs come and knock and bang and play their drum yelling on your windows asking for money because you have a new child...and they undress themselves to show you that they are, in fact, Eunuchs.  

Human Life--Unvalued (especially baby girls) & a Double Standard

When someone you know tells you that they do not eat eggs because they (like most Hindus) believe that it is "a baby" (exactly the said word, translated to English), but yet, you know that she aborted a precious baby from her own womb.....and it's even more sad because I also know that she regrets that and hates that and lives with that choice every. single. day of her life.  Deep sadness and sorrow.

Traffic

Traffic...it is an incredible thing to behold...to see...to be a part of as a passenger....to be part of as a driver.  Traffic in India.  It is incredibly mind blowing and it is incredibly hard.  I remember growing up asking my mom to take me for a ride.  I LOVED riding in the car.  I loved going out in the country on long winding roads looking at the fields, pretty trees, rivers, houses....all of it.  But, so far, there has been NO road that I have been on in India that I have enjoyed!  If they are in the city, they are crowded and horns honking and little bumps going on and swerving and cutting others off and throwing the hands up to gesture at people.  And, if you are out in the beautiful, beautiful (and we have lots of it in our state) areas that are outside of the busy cities...usually the roads aren't kept up and it's bumpy and rocky and still there are lots people there too (see below) or a taxi or large truck comes flying right at you and passing you within an inch, scaring you to death, because the road was wide open for them!!!

CROWDS

There are just A LOT of people in India.  Everywhere you are...a lot of people.  Even in the spacious, empty places...lots of people!  I've definitely have gotten used to this.  I hear when you go back to America, the kids often wonder where all the people are!

Hitting a Child (with a car)

This is actually more personal to Gray--he hit a child that ran out into the road as he was driving by.  Now, don't you start judging (you Westerners, because I'm sure if you live in India you likely understand this situation).  He was going along on his way to work in another city on one of those more empty roads.  A man was working out in a field and had his child with him (like many laborers--especially the poor in villages--do).  The child was probably about 7 years old.  Gray was going along pretty fast and noticing the child was there, he did slow down.  And, when he noticed the child was running out, he slammed on his brakes.  By the time he hit the child the car wasn't fast at all, and it only bumped him in the ditch.  So, it wasn't that bad at all....but still......

Now, you have to know that in India when an accident such as this happens, usually the offender flees and flees as fast as possible....because, well, the ramifications are not a ticket or court or such (though that may happen at times).  The village (or people around/involved) is coming out to drag you out of the car and maybe beat you to death or at least shake you up.  I've lived in India long enough to know how this works, so it was a little bit of a hardship for me as well to hear this news and wonder what in the world would happen.  I was praying and praying and praying and not letting my kids know and still trying to do school.

So, when I say Gray stopped and got out and went to the child, most of you readers are thinking....well yeah...that's the right thing to do.....but in India, this is a BIG deal (you could lose your life for it).  He was quite shaken up from it obviously then, and a little longer too.  Anyway, he took the dad and the kid (who was doing very well, just crying so much) to the hospital.  It's an INCREDIBLE story, but for now, I'll just highlight a few things...on the way to the first hospital, the dad just kept saying words of blessing to Gray because he (the dad) was so glad Gray--the one that hit his kid--was helping him and that he didn't leave.  Then, after going to 3 different hospitals because of 1. to leave the village before the others heard about it and came.  2.  to get better care.  3.  to go where our friends could help out.  The man that was chasing Gray on the motorcycle the whole time (from the village), still wanting justice and thinking he was fleeing, upon finding out that Gray was NOT fleeing and was helping was so apologetic (which is a big deal) and wanted to have chai with him.  I think this is actually a neat story, you should ask to hear the whole thing in person sometime.  With my limitations because of the internet, I'll leave it as a hardship, because it was a crazy, scary day because of how things work here.  Although, I can truly say in the end it was a sweet story of God.

Traveling Husband
He's away all week right now!  It's hard when he's away for long times.  Hard to wonder how he is--his traveling mercies, out and about on the roads of India, and honestly hard that it's me 24-7 without him at all.  

Cooking Everything from Scratch

I know that from scratch is good, and many people are getting back to this.  I think I'm a more "convenient" type cook.  I like easy, fast, so I can spend more time on other things that I value more than food.  I've come a long way.  I learned how to cook a lot from scratch when I lived in Europe before...and even when I went to the US, there were quite a few differences in my cooking....like only making pancakes from scratch, not buying salsa in a jar again, never buying can mushrooms again, and making brownies from scratch....just to name my big ones I remember from that time.  I've had to make even more changes....like soaking and cooking beans, making yogurt from scratch--though we have long gone back to buying it--we just had to find where to get it from and knowing some tricks to make it better, having to use fresh tomatoes for any and EVERYTHING with tomatoes (which I actually love, but I imagine I will love buying some good ole cans of diced tomatoes), rotel, my own dough for "crescent roll" things and "homemade hot pockets," cinnamon rolls from scratch, pizza dough from scratch, tortillas from scratch, trying to make liquid coffee creamer (one day I may go black because I think I'm ridiculous with my coffee), peeling my broccoli stalks for soup, BBQ sauce, cream of chicken and mushroom soups....you get the idea!  I already know I will not make cinnamon rolls from scratch.  I will not make tortillas from scratch (as good as they are--TOO much time), I cannot wait for those popping cans of the biscuits you can peel--even though I love my homemade biscuits...my stepmom got me hooked on those peeling biscuits--love them!  I can't wait to have some divine liquid coffee creamer.  I have come to see that from scratch isn't always hard...it just takes planning (I'm a P--not a J--for those of you familiar with Myers Briggs) and a little time--didn't I write about things taking more time already???!!!!

Being a Woman in a Man's Society

This is a hard one to even try to explain the depths, and the crazy thing is that because of another hard thing--being an outsider--I'm blessed that I do not even know the depths of how hard it is to be a woman in India.  But, after living here 3 years...I know enough to know it is HARD.

Saying Good-bye too Many Times

This just never gets easy.  And, even though we are JOYFUL to come to the US in just a couple of weeks, it's going to be hard to say these short-term good-byes.

No End in Sight
It's different to live overseas for one year, or two years and know you're returning to familiar, your home culture, your family and there is an end in sight.  It's a whole different ballgame when you commit and sign up for "until God leads us otherwise."  That is hard and adds an unexplainable twist to all of the said other hardships.  They are harder when they aren't temporary.  They are harder when you know that day after day, this is life...the norm.  They are harder when you know you've "chosen" this for your kids' childhood (actually not you, but God, I'd say).  This fact, this hardship, brings about more stress and intensifies things just a bit.  

This, of course, is not an exhaustive list (Others that just don't come to mind this week.  Others that I'm not at liberty to share on the internet--like our work or friends' stories that are hard that we work with.)....just a running one to give you some idea and to share these hardships, sharing life!  I will NOT leave it at this.  I look very forward to looking at the flip side of the coin and highlighting the good in some (not all ;) of these very things.....in another post!

Sharing Sufferings: Hardships in India--Part 1

In my last post, I started talking about how I haven't been in touch well and how I haven't shared some of the "culture pains."  Instead of possibly trying to answer future questions of what things have been like, I thought I'd try to start sharing some of these things on the blog.  First up, here are some of the hardships we've faced the past 3 years.


It would not be a true Brandy Gainor post if I didn't give a disclaimer and explain myself just a bit....
(smile...don't roll your eyes ;)

1.  Though these hardships are meant to be reflective on our lives as living as expats in India, some of these things are India specific and some are not.  I imagine that some of you deal with these things as well no matter where you are--all over the world.  I'm not going to categorize any of them.

2.  Some of these hardships are also our greatest blessings.  So, when I call them hard, I'm not necessarily saying horrible or even bad.  Some might be good...but hard!  To explain what I mean--one hardship for me has been that every. single. day of this 3 year term I have been either breastfeeding or pregnant or both.  For 3 years straight--I'm assuming here that Wint will continue to nurse until we arrive in the US just in a few weeks.  That is a blessing, a very good thing.  I'm so thankful God has blessed me with 2 great pregnancies and even more--2 precious baby boys these last 3 years and that I have been able to nurse them both.  Both are GIFTS--undeserved blessings--and good things, but it has been hard to do language, culture, homeschooling, life (no matter where you are), "work," relationships, time with the Lord--all of that these 3 years while pregnant and/or nursing.  Anyway, I'm not going to explain all of these and label them as good or bad....I'm labeling them as hard.  Some may be good, some may be bad, some may be both!

3.  I'm calling them hardships instead of suffering because I don't feel like we've really suffered.  They have been trials, which I also believe can be good and bad or both.  Things have been hard, but because of my personality and my desire to see the Lord work in my life and evidences of His grace and goodness, I try to see the good and can always think about others who have much more difficult circumstances and true sufferings in life.  I can always think of the Word and the Gospel, and God has been good to allow me to see the good in most of these things and to praise Him and enjoy this incredible journey.  What a blessing!!!!  I know this isn't the case always, so I see this as an amazing grace from Him.  So, I'm not saying look how bad, how hard, because I know SO many others that have had it much harder and truly suffered in other circumstances or difficulties they have had (in life in general or in life overseas)....and because some of this is good!

4.  It's long...so I've divided into 2 parts.

Finally, without further ado...here are some of our hardships...in no particular order:

Tropical Sprue
Though I said these were in no order, this obviously, almost always comes first in my mind.  Parks having stomach issues that consistently brought diarrhea, whininess, no appetite, and hardships to our lives for almost a year and a half was one of the hardest things to deal with.  Doctor visits, extra travel, interrupting school and life, not being able to get proper or adequate medical treatment or diagnosis (for a while), lots of diapers and medicines and expensive calories trying to get him to gain weight, multiple blood drawings from a 1-2 year old, procedures that us adults would even despise, fear of infections or complications with anesthesia, fearing the worst, etc...  And, in talking to adults that I know that have had this...it is miserable.  How sad for our baby boy!!!  This has been the hardest one for me--watching my baby go through something that I knew...FOR SURE...we would NOT be dealing with if we did not live in India!  Though I'm not going to label them all India specific or not, I do know that this Tropical Sprue is very specific to our geographical location, and if we lived in the US, he would've never had it!  That, sometimes, was hard to swallow and just made me so sad!

Missing the Presence of our Family and Friends
I've already said that I don't communicate and talk with my family and friends as much as I'd like because of the time difference (so 2 hardships right there).  But, even greater than those 2 hardships, is not seeing and spending time with our family and friends. Being in their presence!!!  Quality Time with them. Not hugging their necks and watching them love on and spoil their grandchildren.  Not spending special meals and holidays together.  Knowing my mom spends so many days alone when we could be hanging out with her.  Not going to special events like when my niece graduated from high school or another played golf in state championship or my nephew competed in the High School State Championship Football Game.  Not being there for the birth of our niece or nephews.  Not celebrating my grandfather's 85th birthday party.  Not going to my grandmother's funeral or Gray's grandfather's funeral.  I'm thankful Gray's parents have been able to visit us 2 times and see our lives over here, but it has been 3 years without seeing my parents and family.  That is hard!

Isolation/left out on the play ground
At first we were novelty--Americans living in our neighborhood, but as that wore off, we (especially our kids) became the outsiders.  Though I love that we do not get all these special treatments that are fun and annoying--it makes us feel a little more normal around here.  But, it can be hard to watch my kids get bullied, mocked in another language, or left out because they are different.  This is NOT that big of a deal because now, finally, the majority of the time, their playing and interactions with friends are so good and awesome, and better than that, we're seeing where Sarala is learning to handle the hard things very well and respond well.  That is grace and growth in her life we are so thankful for!  We have come a long way in this, but there was definitely a time of great struggle.  This one gets better and better!  She LOVES her friends dearly now, and it's fun to watch friendships bloom.

Language, language, language
Enough said!

Playing Cops and Robbers
My husband, in dealing with some things that happened in which the police had to get involved, spent some days and nights out with the police, doing investigation, watching security films, and on a stake out ready to drive the vehicle to chase someone or going from place to place thinking said person might be caught.  I was NOT happy about this and could NOT believe how this was working.  But, this is just the way it is done here at least in this case.  The cops are "helping you out" and doing you a service, so it's right that you were there working along with them.  Um, yeah, this is QUITE different from how our judicial system in the US works, huh!!!  What a learning experience!

A Friend Stealing
A sweet lady that was in our lives almost everyday was caught trying to take some very, very small things from us.  Things we would have very freely given.  But, still, it's the act of the stealing by a friend that gets you--the violation of trust, not necessarily the item or monetary amount that goes along with it.

Delivering babies in a different Culture
My first delivery, though good and fine was hard--all the differences that I will not mention on the internet.  My second delivery was great (especially after having experienced one delivery here)!  But, my fear and anxiety and selfishness of not wanting it in India made it hard!  I'm know--it doesn't help that I had other deliveries to compare it to.

Worms, Staph, Stomach "Issues," and More
These are some "medical conditions" that I don't like to talk of because I think they are gross, but they are part of life here, and we deal with them on a normal basis.  It is just part of life.

Lack of Time Efficiency
Everything takes longer!  And, because of that...I don't have the time to write about what all these "every things" are....I'm given my extra time that could be given to this blogpost to doing all of these said "every things."  ;)

Extra Everyday Tasks 
Much like the above every things, but a little different--filling water bottles, hanging clothes to dry, dusting more, waiting on water because you have run out and called the truck hours ago or a day or two ago, giving water the all the workers that come by.

Power Outages
Our electricity is REALLY good in our city--especially compared to places like where we lived our first year, Nepal, villages, and some smaller cities.  I am VERY quick to recognize we have good power.  But, we still deal with power outages that happen often...that interrupt the washing of clothes, the possession of hot water, the meal baking in the over, the a/c on at night, the fans on during the hot, the lights (and nitelites that help with fear) that are needed, the coffee making in the coffee pot, etc, etc.

Wearing Different Clothes
I don't like to wear suits (a kurta--which is a longer tunic-like shirt with specific pants and a long scarf), which is actually the norm and expected garb for married women (if, in fact, you aren't wearing a sari).  Even worse, I don't even like to wear kurtas (above said shirt that can be worn alone with your jeans or pants of choice).  But, I do when I need to, and it's fine.  I've learned more and more of when to wear them, what kind I like to wear, etc.  I just don't like it.  But, it's not about me and my rights.  ;)

Lack of Hot Water
Many of you have kept up with this blog enough to know I love hot water.  I miss having uninterrupted (because you have to turn the water off so it might could heat up a little more and last a little longer--plus, we don't have a good water supply), long (as in more than 10 minutes of our 25 liters (about 6 gallons of hot water--which is an upgrade to our previous 10 liters--that is 2.5 gallons for those of you not terribly familiar with the metric system) hot showers.  I miss washing my dishes with hot water--there is no source of hot water in my kitchen unless I heat it on the stove.

Lack of Friends--A Kind of Loneliness
I am an extrovert!  I love people!  I love being with people and having some deep, good conversations. I love to share life with others!  Because of being an outsider, even when I do have conversations, it's hard to go deep and good.  Because of my limited Hindi, my conversation reaches a point and then stops.  Because I've chosen to homeschool, a lot of my day that I might be spending with others is given to being in my home and to my kids (which I love and want to do...but sometimes saying yes to a good thing means saying no to a different or other good thing--this is our choice, I know.  It's hard, but I still chose it and prefer it.).  Because many times my husband (who is quite the introvert) often comes home from traveling for days or all day work and lots of conversations that drain him and he needs just us at home, we don't have others over like we would like to.  Because many days, I am just absolutely spent and exhausted from being a mom to my 5 young kids that I can't even think about hosting someone with a big meal or in a different language or going out to speak and engage.  Now, sometimes, we just do keep going and keep giving and inviting and immersing ourselves and it is SO worth it!  Hear that!!!!!  But, we also don't want to get burned out because we're not allowing for any downtime or we're feeling bad for protecting family time or we don't allow ourselves to just say no.  It is a hard thing to find balance when this is a busy, busy life!!!!  I'm SURE many of you can identify with all the things you'd love to be doing or people you'd love to be inviting or good things you just wish you weren't missing out on.  Also, I'm not terribly lonely.....I'm thankful to have some dear American friends that fill up my friendship tank and that I love and can go deep with and be challenged by--they are amazing!!!  I just long to have some good Indian friends to do the same with.  And, you can definitely be praying that for me!  I am hopeful that as I'm getting out of the little bity baby fog, the initial learning of culture and language lifestyle, the getting used to homeschooling that when we come back to India it will be different and I can give more time and energies into focusing on making friends. It takes time to make new friends!!!!  Often you don't realize this and we can take it for granted until we move to a new place where there is NO history, NO time passed of getting to know someone, NO connections, NO common bond and you have to start from scratch and work to make it happen.  It is a work....not a natural thing!

More to come tomorrow!

2 years 2day!!!

Two years ago Today

SOOOOOOOOOOOO fun! We've been in India exactly two years! So much I could reflect on and write about. It is God's grace that sustains us, and by His grace, we are blessed to be here and love this wild life! We are thankful that we've been able to live here for 2 years! Amazing, huh???!!! For now....here is how I'll share about these 2 years:

During our first year of transition and culture shock and language, language, language, we had a supervisor that we were in touch with weekly. Among our many things we needed to discuss, he would SO often ask us what are the things we really liked and enjoyed about India. Honestly, there were only a few times I gave answers. Most of the time, there was silence from both of us; I deferred to Gray for an answer; or said, "Let me think more about it....I'll let you know later." We actually had a great first year, but first years are hard with lots of changes and adjustments.

Well, at least 6 months ago...maybe longer--honestly, I don't know how long ago, I started drafting this post to think about some of my favorite things here in India. (They are in no particular order--just an ongoing list I've made this year. I know there are many more to add too!!!)

1. When I wake up early at our house before the city gets loud with honking horns and hustle and bustle, I open up all the windows and doors. Before it gets too hot, the warm wind blowing and the sweet birds chirping remind me of sounds that are familiar when I'm at the beach. I love that feeling every early morning. (This is on "most days" in our home in our city and when it's not the short, cold season...which, ironically, as this post rolls out, we're temporarily living in another city, in the cold, and it's VERY loud here. But, I can now honestly say, I love this too.)

2. That we can get almost anything made here. Indians can copy pretty well. So, we've had clothes made, our couch and chairs made, replacement pieces to our Settlers game made. And, almost always, it's way cheaper to have the things made for you!!!

Gray painting our Settlers replacement pieces

3. This is one that I love and have a harder time with it. But, I still love it more. I love that this is a culture where people just stop by unannounced to say hello or to visit with you. There are very few times when I just don't like it (and that's when I'm too focused on my image or agenda--selfish), but mostly I love this so much!!! It keeps me prepared and ready more than ever!

4. I love the colors! Let's be honest, most of my closest friends and family know that I love browns, grays, the neutrals and earth tones. They are my favorite!!! I can be pretty drab. But, I love the colorful India that I know. It's not just color. There are bright colors, and they are everywhere. I love it! I'm coming to embrace color more and more!

5. I love that we're given more opportunities to learn--for us and our kids. We learn to make do more and stretch ourselves to be creative. We learn to get creative when the power is off. We learn that we can't have what we want, when we want it. Although, we are still so spoiled! But, we've learned so much more and even grown in our relationship with the Lord. We've learned to pray desperately for healing, pray for logistics, pray for change, pray for hearts much more, pray for the impossible. I'm so so so thankful for these opportunities that are much more hidden (at least for me previously) when you live in a developed land...a land of plenty, land of consumerism, land of science/knowledge, land of want--get. Some of these hard lessons we're learning are invaluable.

The flash takes away the effect, but eating dinner in the dark (power outages are often)--done it a few occasions

6. Cheap fresh fruits and veggies. There was one time in September that we purchased 4 pounds of tomatoes for 25 cents. That is NOT a typo!!! I added it to this post right when I calculated it because I was amazed. Do you realize that is 1 lb of tomatoes for 6 cents. There was another time in December they were cheaper. And... you should know tomatoes are my FAVORITE!!!!!!!

veggie ever!

7. Salons!!! Head massages, threading, foot massages, pedicures...those are my favorite things! The cost is unbelievable--it varies from salon to salon and depending on the quality of what you're getting. Most of these things are cheaper than a Starbucks coffee or even a soft drink at Sonic--a couple of things I miss in the US. And, Sarala goes with me almost every time. They always love when she comes along and she gets something done free--usually painted nails or a hairdo. ;)

8. Bargaining--another love-hate relationship. I love it because sometimes you get a surprisingly cheap price--especially if you're not really wanting the item. The shopkeepers can totally tell. You have to have a good bargaining face on that you will take or leave it. ;) I also love it because it makes me feel like I know the ins and outs of language and this culture because bargaining conversations were some of my first successes in the Hindi language/cultural slang. Even to this day, when I bargain, I just love doing it in Hindi. I hate it because it's just not fun to do sometimes--it can be a fight, and I can feel like I'm insulting them (especially if it's something they hand made).

Bargaining at one of my favorite markets

9. Service at your door! For example, our tailor that worked on our curtains and hemming our bedspread drove to our door, measured it all for us. Took the items with him, pressed, tailored them, returned and hung them...and it was all just a couple of dollars for all the work. Amazed. This is why I'm still slow to put my sewing machine to use. It's too too easy and inexpensive to have the work done.

10. Househelper! Floors, dishes and dusting. But floor alone. I've always hated mopping...and here it's quite necessary every day...or at minimum every few days. This is WONDERFUL!!!

11. Press Walas! Another one of those chores that I'm not a fan of. Load up your clothes and take them to the press wala on your street. Or, the press wala comes to your door daily, picks them up, presses them and returns them back to your door. Awesome!

Some of my favorite ladies to practice language with and hang out with were press walas

12. Gardeners--I just don't have a green thumb! But, because of our gardener, we have a wonderful yard full of plants I pick out or he recommends because he knows the soil, weather, and location of our house! And, the gardener we have now always has a smile and is SO fun with our kids! Just last week he showed them a baby snake--yep--it's happened a baby snake--harmless one though, not the king cobra I've wondered about.

Our gardener cutting our grass with his shears

13. Car Washer--I know...you are probably just dying to think how crazy we must be to have all these workers and service here. We do have a car washer that comes about twice a week to our house to wash our car! Most of our neighbors have their cars washed EVERYday--nope, I'm totally not kidding. Driving through all the dust or even when it just sits in the dust, it can get so dusty after a few days that you can't see through the windshield. We have a wonderful car washer. He also has helped us with so much other work and taking the car in to be repaired--like a broken horn--a HORN is necessary in India--or long drives to get the car somewhere. He also brings something to us everyday he comes to work. It's sometimes needed bananas, fruit or even Indian snacks, and at least weekly chocolate candy bars for the kids (even Parks...and he arrives early, often during breakfast or even before). It's fun!

14. Community--I grew up in a small town in South Carolina where everybody knows everybody and is in everybody's business. Honestly, I kind of like it! And, it prepared me greatly for living overseas! I live in a fairly large city here in India. But, even large cities in this culture, they can have that small town feel--it's really the culture. Your neighbors, store clerks, autodrivers, vegetable walas, and everyday people that are in your lives...are just that...in your lives. They know your business, and if they don't, they ask you ALL about it and love to give advice and tell you sometimes in great detail what to do. And, being in a different culture, this advice is often so upside down from what I'd naturally think or do due to my own cultural roots, and it is hilarious! Sometimes it makes sense and is so good to know (and I start to wonder if I'm getting a little Indian in my ways) and other times, it can bother me or make me roll my eyes (wrongly so), but deep down, I totally love it so much. It shows concern; it shows relationship; it is community! Love it--even when it makes me mad or cry!

15. Family--Though, I cannot imagine living as a joined family--with your parents or in-laws (as much as I love you all!!!) I love how families live here. When you get married depending on whether you're son, daughter, first-born, only child, or other circumstances, you will live with your in-laws or parents as a joined family. I don't know the statistic, but I'd say about 90% of homes are joined families (maybe 100% in villages and much less in the larger, developed cities). It fascinates me, and I do like it...but with my cultural roots, I cannot phantom living with my parents or in-laws....and I don't think they could imagine it either!

Precious family we were really close to in DD--3 sets of couples live in this one household.

Actually one daughter now lives with her husband and his family.

16. Mangoes!!! We just LOVE mangoes!!! Can't wait for mango season to come back!

17. Pressure Cookers. It's revolutionized my cooking. It's India's way of making over half of their dishes, I'd say. It's their casserole, their crockpot, their oven. It's awesome! It makes my baby boy cuddle because he's a little scared of it--it's LOUD. It's so loud and you can hear neighbors' going off throughout the day. I love the pressure cooker.

18. Indian Food--Yum, yum! A little difficult for me to keep this up during my big belly days of pregnancy since it gives me the worst heart burn....but I do love some Indian food--especially when its cooked in a home. Few restaurants I'm ready to order from, but cook for me from your home any day. I love it so much!

19. The craziness that I still am at awe with so many days! I do love it! So many days, I have a glimpse of something CRA-ZY. Hear a crazy story from a village or medical care or someone's childhood or whatever! Or some crazy ailment or parasite happens to us that honestly, just rarely is even found in the US. The crazy things that just make you crack up such as...ears getting cleaned on the streets by an ear-cleaning wala. Zippers on pants repaired right on the spot. Streets used as the toilet. Camels, water buffalo and sheep running around in our back yard. Elephants walking down the road begging for your money.

We kept having some drainage problems in our bathroom. Finally, a plumber discovered this bag that had been used to hold our tiles over a hole in the drain. It had fallen down into our drain. Isn't that craziness that our floor was just tiled right over it?!!!

Crazy that our floors are just dirt under the tile.

We also thought it was just craziness how it was repaired!

But hey...our water is flowing now, and it's all good!

Fun times!!!

20. God's grace. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, it is God's grace that we love India more and more and love living here! I do already love it so much! I love that His will and His grace is SO powerful that it can transform a heart and give one such a growing love. I think I'll go ahead and start another post or more things I love about India right now!

Happy Two Year Anniversary!!!

Praise the Lord!

The Tree In Our Lane

That's our house--the bright one, in the back--so this is "our lane," I guess. Although, I'd actually say it's our neighbor's yard that we pass through everyday to get to our gate. She has such a wonderful "garden" of potted plants and a small section of a planted variety including some fun trees. Today, I highlight this first one, right on the left.

Here it is--another view--from the inside of her gate.

Up close...do you know what that fruit is yet???

It's pomegranate, and this one right in my hand came from that very tree. She gave me about three one day. Now, I love pomegranate. My step-mom taught me well how to eat them and got me hooked on them at an early age. I remember her carrying them in the car in a bowl to peel and pull apart with paper towels. The mess was worth it! And it still is, and my kids like them too!

But, if I buy them, I prefer to buy them like this from our grocery store. This is less than 50 cents! Isn't that awesome?!!!! Interesting thing is that my kiddos eat more if they have to peel them. I guess that's the fun of it!