Thankful Thinking...Comparing Ways of Life

These are a few examples of inconveniences or an unfulfilled desires or longings because I'm an expat used to a different way of life....and I compare it to a common way of life in India.  These are some things I see and things that go on all over India.  Just a few examples:

When I wish I could just quickly run to the store and buy some fruit snacks, sugary cereal, pepperoni, or familiar convenient foods, or a Dr. Pepper...I think about the sweet little beggar child that just asks for food or a little bit of change to make some chapati. 

When I wish I could take a long, uninterrupted hot shower or wash my dishes in hot water, I think about ladies that walk miles with jugs on their heads to wait in line to pump water and carry home to their families because they have no running water.

When I wish I could be secure in the thought of calling 911 for medical help or in case of trouble, I think of people who live really remotely and have no money, transportation, or even possibility to get to a hospital.

When I think it's uncomfortable in our house or hot in my kitchen, I think about the people that live in tarps and leaning boards every single day of their lives.

When I think my kids have been inside too much or live a boring, simple life, I think about the children that are in the streets on their parents' hips all day long while they walk from car to car in intersections asking for money to get milk for their kids or medicine.

When I'm sad that I don't get to see my family or friends for a few years, I can think of the ladies and girls that have been tricked into trafficking, promised a better life, and may just never see their families, friends, or homes ever again!

When I am hot and sticky because the power is off....or worse--trying to sleep without power--I can think of the millions that sleep outside in the elements of the weather every day of their lives.

When I think of petty little things I don't like about my bathroom (but have gotten quite used to), I can think of the people that use the field behind my house for their bathroom or the people that shower outside on the streets near a source of water.

When I wear a different kind of clothing because I live in a place where my preferred choice of clothing is not the better option, I can think some of the ladies that don't have much say in what they wear--it's determined by other members of their family, like their mother-in-laws.

It's a great opportunity to have my eyes opened to the way people live all over the world.  I'm thankful to have this opportunity that helps me be thankful and not take little things for granted, but rather see them as gifts and luxuries.

I must admit that over the weekend, I wasn't really having a heart of gratitude.  I wasn't really thinking like some of the ways I listed and drafted above last week.  I was struggling badly to think rightly and fighting for joy.  We ran out of water, as monsoon is leaving.  A little friend stole something belonging to our kids, and it's frustrating to not be able to trust friends even...and our kids have a hard time.  There were lots of little things and stresses that push my buttons going on that put me in a specific place to fight for joy by being thankful and also by thinking of the Gospel in my life.  When I see my heart struggling with such petty thoughts and loving things, little comforts, and ease more than my Savior, I long to love Him more and be more content in Him. Deep down, I know that He is the only one that gives peace, contentment and joy that is indescribable.

When, I'm struggling with the ways of my host country because my home country is different and easier and the "normal" and comfortable for me, I can remember....all the while, I know that I'm not longing for my passport home, which is fallen and so imperfect as well, but I'm longing for my Heavenly home.  When, I'm thinking I want to leave and "go home" and that everything would be better "at home," I must fight for joy in hardships and remember the Gospel and WHY we live here and WHY we endure and WHY we will stay!!!

Thought Processes to Thankfulness

This is a wordy, pictureless post...
but it shares some big things in my heart right now that I'm thankful to God to reveal and show to me. 
I hope He uses it to spur you on to Himself and to have insight into my life and heart.

Today, I've been a little frustrated throughout the day...power out for a while today, toddlers running around and crying a little more than normal, squabbles between older kids, day 4 of being home without a husband, hard things going on with a friend that weigh heavy in my mind, etc...just the normal things that make any mama frustrated and a little on edge.

As some of the kids' sheets were finally dry, I was taking them up from the dryer (a wonderful, amazing appliance added to our home just recently) to make their beds.  I still had remainders of grumbling in my heart previously because it would've been better if they were dry 4 hours ago--if they power had not been off--when I was putting the littles down for naps so they could've had their blankets and slept in their own beds, etc.  Then, I heard kids playing out of the open window to the field.  I often hear sounds and things going on that just incline me to look in the crazy field behind our house.  Some of you have heard stories of this field.  Today, there were slum kids playing in some nasty water from the monsoon that pools up behind our house.  It started such a thought process to thankfulness in my mind that is so familiar for me with living in India.  I often see something so different from my way of life that makes me sad or wonder or smile...and then I reflect...and often it leads to thankfulness.  You see, this same water seeps into our water tank during monsoon and makes our water like mud.  I HATE this water during monsoon.  I'm so unthankful and frustrated about the water situation a lot.  I'm convinced it carries giardia or all kinds of microscopic parasites and amoebas that make us sick.  We are just sicker in monsoon than any other time....especially the little two that don't understand that drinking bath water will make you violently vomit or visit the toilet way too much all day long.  They don't understand that not drying their hands well or putting your toothbrush under the sink water is just bad for your health.  So, this water is just not good water for us. 

But, for these slum kids or maybe they are the shepherd kids that actually live in this said field, this water is a blessing.  They wash their clothes in it.  They take baths in it.  They use it for cooking.  They play in it like it is a swimming pool.  So, you see, it's just all relative in how one looks at it and sees it.  Instead of cursing my kids' muddy bath water and declaring we're not taking anymore baths until monsoon is over, I am inclined to be thankful....thankful I have a water tank that bring water right into pipes inside my house.  Thankful I don't have to walk to a well and pump water.  Thankful I don't have to go to a muddy puddle in a field.  Thankful I have a water filter that amazingly cleanses this water and is healthy for us to drink.  Thankful I even have a hot water heater that heats up this water too, simply to make it pleasant to take a bath--a luxury here.  Thankful, that even when it's so dry and hot that wells don't produce much water, I have the $$ and the ability to get water delivered to our house.  So, this is what I mean when I speak of my thought processes to thankfulness.

I really do love living in India, and I'm glad we're here for so many reasons.  One of the reasons I love living in India is because it truly exposes and brings to light a lot of my sin that I personally am blinded to when living in the US.  I'm not saying that I don't see my sin in America....believe me, it's there--desires and covetousness, and other discontentment brings other things to light on that side of the world that I actually don't struggle as much with here.  But, I would definitely say for me, personally, when I'm in the US, some of my sin can easily be hidden and pacified with comfort, ease, familiar, convenient, beauty, security, and distractions when we're in America.  It's just harder to see certain sins in my life.  When I'm in India...it's blatant and in my face and can just make me sick to my stomach when I'm not more broken or saddened or when I'm callous or numb.  When I'm in India and normal life is harder, I'm squeezed a little harder, and when I'm squeezed....more of this sin comes dripping out, showing me it's ugly self!  Also, in India, my eyes are opened to a different worldview and different culture and a different way of life for a lot of the world that makes me see more ugliness of my selfishness, my ungenerous heart, my skeptical heart, my pride, my discontentment and my lack of thanks.

My intentions here are to share my personal experience of how the Lord teaches me living overseas, I'm not wanting to convey that I believe one is not capable of learning and seeing these kind of things when living in the US.  I'm simply thankful that I can see one more grace in how the Lord makes Himself known to me personally and refines me by being obedient and living abroad.  These graces bless my soul--especially when times are hard!

When I'm having a tough time or being discontent, I can often jerk myself back into better thinking by simply thinking of how "it could always be worse" or think of someone that is in a tougher situation than myself.  Or, when the going gets tough, I can think of my "worst case scenario" and then I realize I'll get through this.  I definitely admit, this isn't "The Gospel" nor is it really "right thinking."  But, generally, this is my personality, my default, and how I often start thinking through things as I process what's going on in my mind and get on my way to right thinking or Biblical Thinking or "Gospel-centered" thinking. 

I so often, see some of my selfishness and self-centeredness in my discontentment.  Therefore, seeing my sin and my pride, and my yuck.  I know a lot of my "thinking of the worser" attitude is very self-help, psychological-like counseling, and it's not sustainable because it isn't eternal.  There have been some times in the recent years, where I just couldn't make or help myself to think rightly because I truly needed the Gospel and the only eternal hope that gets us out of the pits of sadness and hard times.  That is the Gospel, the truth, the sustainable hope that we need to think rightly.  So, I recognize this so much as right, true, and the only hope.  It's always best and right to think and reflect on our lives biblically and in light of the Gospel.  These thoughts I want to share, however, are more along the lines of being thankful.  So, that's kind of my disclaimer for this post.  I sure do like to give disclaimers. 

So now....back to grace in seeing my discontentment and unthankfulness in light of living in India.  It is grace because it leads me to confession and repentance...and thankfulness and contentment...and that is a good place to be!

This has gotten wordy and rather long, so I'm dividing it up in to another post....

Joy in Hardships: How and Why we Endure

All of these hardships that I wrote about last week here and here, have been used in so many good ways in our lives the past three years.  God is gracious, and it's incredible to see His grace in our lives...in both the good and bad.  As we walk through life, we are doing just that....walking through what our lives are, the good and bad, accepting it all because it is our life--all of it and trusting that God knows and sees and is always there because that is a promise from Him.  And, as believers, more good news is that, "We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28.  So, as we walk and look at our circumstances and what life is handing us, we can trust God and His goodness even when it is hard and hard to see good that His Word is true and He will be working things for our good, even when we can't understand.

God never promises us a good, easy life...never.  His Gospel is not the prosperity Gospel!  His Gospel and His promises are that He is with us always.  That he gives us peace in hard times.  That He will help us and uphold us with His righteous right hand.  Just this morning, I read this verse in Job, "Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?"

We are, like Paul, "not to account our lives of any value nor as precious to ourselves, if only we may finish the course and the ministry that we received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." Acts 20:24  We must not demand our rights and elevate our desires above the Gospel, but instead, we are called to give that up and follow Christ.

I'd also dare to say, like Tullian Tchividjian, that if we are robbed of our joy in times of hardships or sufferings, we are not worshipping the Lord, but worshipping other idols in our lives....idols like comfort, good health, peace, good things, beauty, etc.  Going through some of the hardships in my life, I've realized many of these idols or good things I start holding too tightly to.  God is so good to reveal these things and this sin in my life and also to graciously show me more of Himself, that I may rightly worship Him and not these idols!

Another hardship that I didn't mention is being in the midst of the corruption and lostness that is all around us all the time....the temples, the satanic worship, the evil spirits, the lies, the strongholds, the blatant idolatry of idols in almost every home, in our neighborhood where my kids play, in the homes where they play dolls and board games in, shrines in homes and shops, incense to gods all over.  Hearing bells ringing everyday throughout the day in our little neighborhood temple just footsteps from our house, remind me that people in our neighborhood are "waking up and calling on false gods" looking to them for salvation instead of looking to the one and only true God that does not sleep nor slumber, that does not need to be waken up.  It's hard to be in the midst of it, and there are times I just want away and hate that it is so hard.  But, one of the things I remember during this time is God's calling on lives to be placed here--in this darkness.  We wanted to come to a dark place.  We chose this very place because God himself chose us when we were in darkness..."even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ--by grace we have been saved. (Ephesians 2:5)"  This is the very reason we came here...to this place that is considered some of "the ends of the earth" where there is lots of red.  Why would I want out?  Why am I surprised at the corruptness when it is such a dark place?  Why do we expect good and be confused when we see dark and evil...what did we expect?  We chose this darkness, this hardship because it is dark we humbly hope that we might be used by Him for His glory in calling nations to Himself.  When I think of that in light of His global purpose, in light of the promise and vision God gives in Matthew 24:14, "And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and the end will come."  I am on board, and I want to be here, being used to see it happen!

So, the Gospel is the reason we endure hardships!  Our precious Lord and Savior endured the cross and many more hardships than we will ever be called to in this life, ever.  How much more can we endure when we focus on Him and follow Him....we will joyfully endure.  This is how to endure hardships, I'm sure....by keeping our eyes focused on Christ whether our hardships are living overseas, diseases, cancers, infertility, death, financial troubles, loneliness, I am convinced that we all are to keep our eyes on Christ and He will be our joy and He will sustain us completely!  Peter calls this grace....a gracious thing to endure suffering!

We press on and persevere, trusting in His promises because we are called to endure...to fight the good fight...to fulfill our work that we have been called to.

I originally wanted to go through and highlight some of the good that God has worked in my life through each of the hardships that I listed in my last two posts.  There has been much good in all the things we have experienced.  However, in light of the Gospel and what sustains us that I have written in this post, none of that good even compares because He is the only one that is good.  The Gospel is the ultimate good in our life in everything.  Preaching the Gospel to yourself and living in the Gospel is what life is all about....in the good times and the bad.  I want to always be about that in my life, no matter where I live and what I do or what hardships come my way.

So, in all the hard, this work, this life that we live is SO worth it...that "we may finish the course and the ministry that we received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God."  This is WHY we endure and chose these hardships, and this is WHY we have joy in hard times.

Sharing Sufferings: Hardships in India--Part 2

Part 2--continued from yesterday's post

Never Ever Fitting In

One of my dear friends that has lived in South Asia longer than me, that has more national friends than me, that speaks better Hindi than me, that doesn't have as many home/child demands (at least not yet) as me, whose children go to an Indian school, and such...will still say even as all of those things that possibly help in making friends and having relationships, the truth is....we will still be outsiders.  And, that is hard to think that all the time we live here, all the investments, all the language learning, the moving of our lives and families to give them to this place, all these hardships we endure....that we will still, always be an outsider....that's a hard thought!  Just to clarify--Being an outsider is different from being a friend or having a good relationship.  I do believe those are very doable.

Beggars

It's hard to see poverty all around you all the time....and it's even sadder when you find yourself getting used to it and less and less phased by it.  It's hard to be in an auto rickshaw and have little dirty and dusty little scarred and marred hands tapping your leg and asking for money--even the smallest amount so they can have "bread to eat."  That is just heartbreaking.  It's hard when your own children out of compassion want to give and give to them, but they don't understand how sometimes that very giving could just hurt those kids and other kids and the "circle" of this even more.  It's sad to not know what to do to help them...and to feel helpless and like you have no heart at all because sometimes you do nothing.  Ugh!  It's hard when you try to do something like buy them some bananas and they pridefully say, no I don't want that, I want papaya or chocolate.  Or when your kids intentionally plan and save uneaten, good food from McDonald's because they really want to give it to them, and then the older, bigger kids swarm and hit the one--the specific one--your kids were wanting to give to and take it away and eat it.  It's also sweet when you figure out little things you can do and you get a chance to know some of these kids because you see them "working" in the same spot and can chat with them and give them food or little pieces of candy or little toys.

Bribes

People asking for bribes.  Figuring out when it's a bribe or when it is and "expedition fee" that you should give because that is the way it is done in this culture.  Or wondering if people are just always asking for extra money from you because they assume or expect that you are rich and wealthy because of your white skin (AKA the "skin tax") when you are not.  It's hard to feel like you have to judge motives and try to discern what is right all the while wanting to be compassionate and generous and help those in need.  It's hard to know when you fight over that $0.25 or $0.10 (ridiculous and absurd to fight over, I know) to make a point or just get over it because it is just $1.  Feeling torn in these situations gets so old and hard and you have to fight the temptation or tendency (or maybe both) to just not do anything or labor in thought about what you can and should do.

Eunuchs

It's hard when the Eunuchs come and knock and bang and play their drum yelling on your windows asking for money because you have a new child...and they undress themselves to show you that they are, in fact, Eunuchs.  

Human Life--Unvalued (especially baby girls) & a Double Standard

When someone you know tells you that they do not eat eggs because they (like most Hindus) believe that it is "a baby" (exactly the said word, translated to English), but yet, you know that she aborted a precious baby from her own womb.....and it's even more sad because I also know that she regrets that and hates that and lives with that choice every. single. day of her life.  Deep sadness and sorrow.

Traffic

Traffic...it is an incredible thing to behold...to see...to be a part of as a passenger....to be part of as a driver.  Traffic in India.  It is incredibly mind blowing and it is incredibly hard.  I remember growing up asking my mom to take me for a ride.  I LOVED riding in the car.  I loved going out in the country on long winding roads looking at the fields, pretty trees, rivers, houses....all of it.  But, so far, there has been NO road that I have been on in India that I have enjoyed!  If they are in the city, they are crowded and horns honking and little bumps going on and swerving and cutting others off and throwing the hands up to gesture at people.  And, if you are out in the beautiful, beautiful (and we have lots of it in our state) areas that are outside of the busy cities...usually the roads aren't kept up and it's bumpy and rocky and still there are lots people there too (see below) or a taxi or large truck comes flying right at you and passing you within an inch, scaring you to death, because the road was wide open for them!!!

CROWDS

There are just A LOT of people in India.  Everywhere you are...a lot of people.  Even in the spacious, empty places...lots of people!  I've definitely have gotten used to this.  I hear when you go back to America, the kids often wonder where all the people are!

Hitting a Child (with a car)

This is actually more personal to Gray--he hit a child that ran out into the road as he was driving by.  Now, don't you start judging (you Westerners, because I'm sure if you live in India you likely understand this situation).  He was going along on his way to work in another city on one of those more empty roads.  A man was working out in a field and had his child with him (like many laborers--especially the poor in villages--do).  The child was probably about 7 years old.  Gray was going along pretty fast and noticing the child was there, he did slow down.  And, when he noticed the child was running out, he slammed on his brakes.  By the time he hit the child the car wasn't fast at all, and it only bumped him in the ditch.  So, it wasn't that bad at all....but still......

Now, you have to know that in India when an accident such as this happens, usually the offender flees and flees as fast as possible....because, well, the ramifications are not a ticket or court or such (though that may happen at times).  The village (or people around/involved) is coming out to drag you out of the car and maybe beat you to death or at least shake you up.  I've lived in India long enough to know how this works, so it was a little bit of a hardship for me as well to hear this news and wonder what in the world would happen.  I was praying and praying and praying and not letting my kids know and still trying to do school.

So, when I say Gray stopped and got out and went to the child, most of you readers are thinking....well yeah...that's the right thing to do.....but in India, this is a BIG deal (you could lose your life for it).  He was quite shaken up from it obviously then, and a little longer too.  Anyway, he took the dad and the kid (who was doing very well, just crying so much) to the hospital.  It's an INCREDIBLE story, but for now, I'll just highlight a few things...on the way to the first hospital, the dad just kept saying words of blessing to Gray because he (the dad) was so glad Gray--the one that hit his kid--was helping him and that he didn't leave.  Then, after going to 3 different hospitals because of 1. to leave the village before the others heard about it and came.  2.  to get better care.  3.  to go where our friends could help out.  The man that was chasing Gray on the motorcycle the whole time (from the village), still wanting justice and thinking he was fleeing, upon finding out that Gray was NOT fleeing and was helping was so apologetic (which is a big deal) and wanted to have chai with him.  I think this is actually a neat story, you should ask to hear the whole thing in person sometime.  With my limitations because of the internet, I'll leave it as a hardship, because it was a crazy, scary day because of how things work here.  Although, I can truly say in the end it was a sweet story of God.

Traveling Husband
He's away all week right now!  It's hard when he's away for long times.  Hard to wonder how he is--his traveling mercies, out and about on the roads of India, and honestly hard that it's me 24-7 without him at all.  

Cooking Everything from Scratch

I know that from scratch is good, and many people are getting back to this.  I think I'm a more "convenient" type cook.  I like easy, fast, so I can spend more time on other things that I value more than food.  I've come a long way.  I learned how to cook a lot from scratch when I lived in Europe before...and even when I went to the US, there were quite a few differences in my cooking....like only making pancakes from scratch, not buying salsa in a jar again, never buying can mushrooms again, and making brownies from scratch....just to name my big ones I remember from that time.  I've had to make even more changes....like soaking and cooking beans, making yogurt from scratch--though we have long gone back to buying it--we just had to find where to get it from and knowing some tricks to make it better, having to use fresh tomatoes for any and EVERYTHING with tomatoes (which I actually love, but I imagine I will love buying some good ole cans of diced tomatoes), rotel, my own dough for "crescent roll" things and "homemade hot pockets," cinnamon rolls from scratch, pizza dough from scratch, tortillas from scratch, trying to make liquid coffee creamer (one day I may go black because I think I'm ridiculous with my coffee), peeling my broccoli stalks for soup, BBQ sauce, cream of chicken and mushroom soups....you get the idea!  I already know I will not make cinnamon rolls from scratch.  I will not make tortillas from scratch (as good as they are--TOO much time), I cannot wait for those popping cans of the biscuits you can peel--even though I love my homemade biscuits...my stepmom got me hooked on those peeling biscuits--love them!  I can't wait to have some divine liquid coffee creamer.  I have come to see that from scratch isn't always hard...it just takes planning (I'm a P--not a J--for those of you familiar with Myers Briggs) and a little time--didn't I write about things taking more time already???!!!!

Being a Woman in a Man's Society

This is a hard one to even try to explain the depths, and the crazy thing is that because of another hard thing--being an outsider--I'm blessed that I do not even know the depths of how hard it is to be a woman in India.  But, after living here 3 years...I know enough to know it is HARD.

Saying Good-bye too Many Times

This just never gets easy.  And, even though we are JOYFUL to come to the US in just a couple of weeks, it's going to be hard to say these short-term good-byes.

No End in Sight
It's different to live overseas for one year, or two years and know you're returning to familiar, your home culture, your family and there is an end in sight.  It's a whole different ballgame when you commit and sign up for "until God leads us otherwise."  That is hard and adds an unexplainable twist to all of the said other hardships.  They are harder when they aren't temporary.  They are harder when you know that day after day, this is life...the norm.  They are harder when you know you've "chosen" this for your kids' childhood (actually not you, but God, I'd say).  This fact, this hardship, brings about more stress and intensifies things just a bit.  

This, of course, is not an exhaustive list (Others that just don't come to mind this week.  Others that I'm not at liberty to share on the internet--like our work or friends' stories that are hard that we work with.)....just a running one to give you some idea and to share these hardships, sharing life!  I will NOT leave it at this.  I look very forward to looking at the flip side of the coin and highlighting the good in some (not all ;) of these very things.....in another post!

Sharing Sufferings: Hardships in India--Part 1

In my last post, I started talking about how I haven't been in touch well and how I haven't shared some of the "culture pains."  Instead of possibly trying to answer future questions of what things have been like, I thought I'd try to start sharing some of these things on the blog.  First up, here are some of the hardships we've faced the past 3 years.


It would not be a true Brandy Gainor post if I didn't give a disclaimer and explain myself just a bit....
(smile...don't roll your eyes ;)

1.  Though these hardships are meant to be reflective on our lives as living as expats in India, some of these things are India specific and some are not.  I imagine that some of you deal with these things as well no matter where you are--all over the world.  I'm not going to categorize any of them.

2.  Some of these hardships are also our greatest blessings.  So, when I call them hard, I'm not necessarily saying horrible or even bad.  Some might be good...but hard!  To explain what I mean--one hardship for me has been that every. single. day of this 3 year term I have been either breastfeeding or pregnant or both.  For 3 years straight--I'm assuming here that Wint will continue to nurse until we arrive in the US just in a few weeks.  That is a blessing, a very good thing.  I'm so thankful God has blessed me with 2 great pregnancies and even more--2 precious baby boys these last 3 years and that I have been able to nurse them both.  Both are GIFTS--undeserved blessings--and good things, but it has been hard to do language, culture, homeschooling, life (no matter where you are), "work," relationships, time with the Lord--all of that these 3 years while pregnant and/or nursing.  Anyway, I'm not going to explain all of these and label them as good or bad....I'm labeling them as hard.  Some may be good, some may be bad, some may be both!

3.  I'm calling them hardships instead of suffering because I don't feel like we've really suffered.  They have been trials, which I also believe can be good and bad or both.  Things have been hard, but because of my personality and my desire to see the Lord work in my life and evidences of His grace and goodness, I try to see the good and can always think about others who have much more difficult circumstances and true sufferings in life.  I can always think of the Word and the Gospel, and God has been good to allow me to see the good in most of these things and to praise Him and enjoy this incredible journey.  What a blessing!!!!  I know this isn't the case always, so I see this as an amazing grace from Him.  So, I'm not saying look how bad, how hard, because I know SO many others that have had it much harder and truly suffered in other circumstances or difficulties they have had (in life in general or in life overseas)....and because some of this is good!

4.  It's long...so I've divided into 2 parts.

Finally, without further ado...here are some of our hardships...in no particular order:

Tropical Sprue
Though I said these were in no order, this obviously, almost always comes first in my mind.  Parks having stomach issues that consistently brought diarrhea, whininess, no appetite, and hardships to our lives for almost a year and a half was one of the hardest things to deal with.  Doctor visits, extra travel, interrupting school and life, not being able to get proper or adequate medical treatment or diagnosis (for a while), lots of diapers and medicines and expensive calories trying to get him to gain weight, multiple blood drawings from a 1-2 year old, procedures that us adults would even despise, fear of infections or complications with anesthesia, fearing the worst, etc...  And, in talking to adults that I know that have had this...it is miserable.  How sad for our baby boy!!!  This has been the hardest one for me--watching my baby go through something that I knew...FOR SURE...we would NOT be dealing with if we did not live in India!  Though I'm not going to label them all India specific or not, I do know that this Tropical Sprue is very specific to our geographical location, and if we lived in the US, he would've never had it!  That, sometimes, was hard to swallow and just made me so sad!

Missing the Presence of our Family and Friends
I've already said that I don't communicate and talk with my family and friends as much as I'd like because of the time difference (so 2 hardships right there).  But, even greater than those 2 hardships, is not seeing and spending time with our family and friends. Being in their presence!!!  Quality Time with them. Not hugging their necks and watching them love on and spoil their grandchildren.  Not spending special meals and holidays together.  Knowing my mom spends so many days alone when we could be hanging out with her.  Not going to special events like when my niece graduated from high school or another played golf in state championship or my nephew competed in the High School State Championship Football Game.  Not being there for the birth of our niece or nephews.  Not celebrating my grandfather's 85th birthday party.  Not going to my grandmother's funeral or Gray's grandfather's funeral.  I'm thankful Gray's parents have been able to visit us 2 times and see our lives over here, but it has been 3 years without seeing my parents and family.  That is hard!

Isolation/left out on the play ground
At first we were novelty--Americans living in our neighborhood, but as that wore off, we (especially our kids) became the outsiders.  Though I love that we do not get all these special treatments that are fun and annoying--it makes us feel a little more normal around here.  But, it can be hard to watch my kids get bullied, mocked in another language, or left out because they are different.  This is NOT that big of a deal because now, finally, the majority of the time, their playing and interactions with friends are so good and awesome, and better than that, we're seeing where Sarala is learning to handle the hard things very well and respond well.  That is grace and growth in her life we are so thankful for!  We have come a long way in this, but there was definitely a time of great struggle.  This one gets better and better!  She LOVES her friends dearly now, and it's fun to watch friendships bloom.

Language, language, language
Enough said!

Playing Cops and Robbers
My husband, in dealing with some things that happened in which the police had to get involved, spent some days and nights out with the police, doing investigation, watching security films, and on a stake out ready to drive the vehicle to chase someone or going from place to place thinking said person might be caught.  I was NOT happy about this and could NOT believe how this was working.  But, this is just the way it is done here at least in this case.  The cops are "helping you out" and doing you a service, so it's right that you were there working along with them.  Um, yeah, this is QUITE different from how our judicial system in the US works, huh!!!  What a learning experience!

A Friend Stealing
A sweet lady that was in our lives almost everyday was caught trying to take some very, very small things from us.  Things we would have very freely given.  But, still, it's the act of the stealing by a friend that gets you--the violation of trust, not necessarily the item or monetary amount that goes along with it.

Delivering babies in a different Culture
My first delivery, though good and fine was hard--all the differences that I will not mention on the internet.  My second delivery was great (especially after having experienced one delivery here)!  But, my fear and anxiety and selfishness of not wanting it in India made it hard!  I'm know--it doesn't help that I had other deliveries to compare it to.

Worms, Staph, Stomach "Issues," and More
These are some "medical conditions" that I don't like to talk of because I think they are gross, but they are part of life here, and we deal with them on a normal basis.  It is just part of life.

Lack of Time Efficiency
Everything takes longer!  And, because of that...I don't have the time to write about what all these "every things" are....I'm given my extra time that could be given to this blogpost to doing all of these said "every things."  ;)

Extra Everyday Tasks 
Much like the above every things, but a little different--filling water bottles, hanging clothes to dry, dusting more, waiting on water because you have run out and called the truck hours ago or a day or two ago, giving water the all the workers that come by.

Power Outages
Our electricity is REALLY good in our city--especially compared to places like where we lived our first year, Nepal, villages, and some smaller cities.  I am VERY quick to recognize we have good power.  But, we still deal with power outages that happen often...that interrupt the washing of clothes, the possession of hot water, the meal baking in the over, the a/c on at night, the fans on during the hot, the lights (and nitelites that help with fear) that are needed, the coffee making in the coffee pot, etc, etc.

Wearing Different Clothes
I don't like to wear suits (a kurta--which is a longer tunic-like shirt with specific pants and a long scarf), which is actually the norm and expected garb for married women (if, in fact, you aren't wearing a sari).  Even worse, I don't even like to wear kurtas (above said shirt that can be worn alone with your jeans or pants of choice).  But, I do when I need to, and it's fine.  I've learned more and more of when to wear them, what kind I like to wear, etc.  I just don't like it.  But, it's not about me and my rights.  ;)

Lack of Hot Water
Many of you have kept up with this blog enough to know I love hot water.  I miss having uninterrupted (because you have to turn the water off so it might could heat up a little more and last a little longer--plus, we don't have a good water supply), long (as in more than 10 minutes of our 25 liters (about 6 gallons of hot water--which is an upgrade to our previous 10 liters--that is 2.5 gallons for those of you not terribly familiar with the metric system) hot showers.  I miss washing my dishes with hot water--there is no source of hot water in my kitchen unless I heat it on the stove.

Lack of Friends--A Kind of Loneliness
I am an extrovert!  I love people!  I love being with people and having some deep, good conversations. I love to share life with others!  Because of being an outsider, even when I do have conversations, it's hard to go deep and good.  Because of my limited Hindi, my conversation reaches a point and then stops.  Because I've chosen to homeschool, a lot of my day that I might be spending with others is given to being in my home and to my kids (which I love and want to do...but sometimes saying yes to a good thing means saying no to a different or other good thing--this is our choice, I know.  It's hard, but I still chose it and prefer it.).  Because many times my husband (who is quite the introvert) often comes home from traveling for days or all day work and lots of conversations that drain him and he needs just us at home, we don't have others over like we would like to.  Because many days, I am just absolutely spent and exhausted from being a mom to my 5 young kids that I can't even think about hosting someone with a big meal or in a different language or going out to speak and engage.  Now, sometimes, we just do keep going and keep giving and inviting and immersing ourselves and it is SO worth it!  Hear that!!!!!  But, we also don't want to get burned out because we're not allowing for any downtime or we're feeling bad for protecting family time or we don't allow ourselves to just say no.  It is a hard thing to find balance when this is a busy, busy life!!!!  I'm SURE many of you can identify with all the things you'd love to be doing or people you'd love to be inviting or good things you just wish you weren't missing out on.  Also, I'm not terribly lonely.....I'm thankful to have some dear American friends that fill up my friendship tank and that I love and can go deep with and be challenged by--they are amazing!!!  I just long to have some good Indian friends to do the same with.  And, you can definitely be praying that for me!  I am hopeful that as I'm getting out of the little bity baby fog, the initial learning of culture and language lifestyle, the getting used to homeschooling that when we come back to India it will be different and I can give more time and energies into focusing on making friends. It takes time to make new friends!!!!  Often you don't realize this and we can take it for granted until we move to a new place where there is NO history, NO time passed of getting to know someone, NO connections, NO common bond and you have to start from scratch and work to make it happen.  It is a work....not a natural thing!

More to come tomorrow!

Counting Down

Not very long before we left for Thailand, we made this fun chain to countdown our days until we left to go to the US for a little while.  This was unlike any other chain we've made in that we decorated each link.  It was a fun "family activity!  It's also the longest chain we'd ever made with 100 links.

100 links means 100 days until the US!!!

Most of the links were just decorative and fun--the rainbows and clouds were my favorite! 

 flowers

angry birds

Well, we've missed taking off a lot of our "special, customized ;) links" since being in Thailand.

like....Clemson vs. NCSU--big game today!!!

yesterday and today's link!!!

Uncle Andy's 35th birthday--made by Sarala

Nanny's birthday--made with Union Yellow Jacket colors!

And, we were quite bummed to miss India's big, festive holiday of Diwali last week.

TONS of loud fireworks, pretty lights all around, and such a fun time to hang out with our neighbors.

Bummed to miss that!!!!

We'll likely miss our Thanksgiving link (didn't take pictures of the cute turkeys and pilgrims the kids made) which is a bummer too--didn't even expect to be here this long and to miss spending the fun holiday with our "family" that lives in our city with us.  But, no matter where we might be or who we'll be with, we are THANKful!!!

But, surely we'll be home before some other birthday links:

India's "birthday"

And, then we'll keep counting to the very end....

Our last links being....

India--spending our last days here

US--thinking of our first days there

travel plans

last official day/link

 Sarala was excited to make our travel link 

showing an airplane's path from our city through London to the US.  

It won't be long!!!

Kids Photos Dump

All right, all right...in case you haven't noticed, I've been catching up on the blog.  Gray was away last week and I had a house full of sick kids--and I myself was sick too.  So, I wasn't up for my usual project list/mad cleaning I do with my "free time" that I usually spend hanging out with my hubby.  So, I decided to catch up on blogging.  And, one of the best ways to do that is to dump all my random pictures of the kiddos in one post!  Here you go!!!  Enjoy!!!

Playing Games

Dressing up in some "too little" dress up outfits.  Time to pass them on!

Sam's suit is on backwards!!!!!  Hahahaha!

Where's Waldo (we have the British version of Where's Wally) is a fun book for bedtime reading.

Jackson teaching Parks how to play Connect 4.

I LOVE how little boys lay down to watch the wheels on their cars and trains.

Parks LOVES Thomas and cars too.

Sarala pulled this tooth by herself.  This was almost 2 months ago, and since then she's pulled the other bottom one and they have both come in.  However that top left one still has not come in.  We tell her all the time it just might not be up there.  ;)

They LOVE some forts.  What kid doesn't.

Sometimes having a perpetual fort in my living room can just stress me out.  They drive me crazy, pulling out the blankets almost EVERYDAY.  Blankets and India just don't mix well in my opinion--it's too hot and it's too dirty.  Well,  one day I embraced the fort and I helped them make a good, big one.  We equipped it with a lantern and we kept the A/C on so they didn't sweat to death in there.  AND!!!  I let them keep it up for about 3 days!

See all 4 of them in there

One day Sarala made a puppet show for her brothers, and I was invited to come too.

Banana dogs--idea from pinterest...

except we don't have the cool squeezable jelly so, we improvise with chocolate sauce.  

No one complains about that!

Every once in a while, we let our kids invite friend over for lunch or dinner, but they have to share a seat.  ;)

Sarala taking "Amy" on a bike ride.

She named her Clemson cheerleader from Papa and Nanny "Amy" 

since Amy is one of her favorite Clemson fans!

The kids were eating lollipops the Summer team left behind.  Sarala and Sam got SO excited that they were orange, white, and green that they asked me to take a picture!  They really do LOVE India so much, and they have a different and deeper pride about living here than I think we ever could have in ourselves.  I mean, they were pulling for India in the Olympics, while Gray and I were still USA all the way!  Their lives are so different growing up in a different country.  I just can't imagine, but it's fun to watch it happen and try to understand.  Have you ever read about TCKs (Third Culture Kids)?  It's so interesting these lives they have.  There are lots of reading material and books, but Wikepedia's info is pretty good and interesting itself.

All right...here are some of my favorite random videos as of late:

Jackson made this fort for Parks and is reading to him.

Jackson is quite the tender big brother to Parks and Wint.

The boys are playing Red Rover with their cars.

They often take games and find cool other ways to play them (like Stack the States).

Wint is hanging out while Sarala and I play some math games.

The shuffling of the cards got him a little tickled.

Get Away...Just Across the Street

There is this place...just across the street from our house that we can walk to.  

It's so close, but yet it feels so far away!

The Radisson Hotel

There are two great hotels in our city that we love and enjoy!  Both have some incredible food and offer some great amenities.  The Radisson is one of them, and it is SO nice--when you step inside, you kind of don't feel like you're in India (kind of ;).  It's a nice little getaway...sometimes just for coffee...sometimes for a meal.  Well, our anniversary was during Super Summer Camp.  We were too beat to go out on the town, but Gray surprised me with the news that we'd go to the Radisson on the weekend!  A great church in the US had gifted us with a DIY marriage retreat.  What a gift!!!  So, we asked if we could use it for our anniversary!  They also had provided questions and topics for us to discuss and work through.  (I'm glad to share if you would like them.)  It was such a fun little getaway!

That huge, big bed with the real mattress and soft, cushy bedding.

And, of course......unlimited hot water!!!!   Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

They have a roof top pool, and we can see our house from the roof.

Check out this picture from Amy's birthday day at the pool.  

Our house is in the center--right in front of that field, just to the left of the bright pinkish one.

After checking in, we spent the afternoon at the pool. 

my view 

I love him!!! 

I loved this warm little pool with jets because I don't love cold water!

And, as hot as India is, the pools at these hotels somehow keep their water so cold! 

Some of our great friends kept our kiddos, but this sweet little one came along for the fun. 

And, we did let him out of the car seat for a little bit of fun!

We scooted out to dinner at the other hotel.  Their new roof top restaurant with some yummy food.  

We were there from 7:30 until after 10pm.  It was such a slow, delightful dinner.

 

And, when we got back, they had turned down the bed for us and left us extra goodies in our room.

...a whole anniversary cake that we couldn't touch because we were stuffed!

So, we took it home to the kids...but only after a long day back at the pool.

Well....that is NOT all...just a couple of weeks ago, we went back!!!  This time with our whole team!  Another treat....from others making this possible.  We had a short little retreat together to debrief and say good bye to some wonderful ladies and a sweet couple.  A team retreat at the Radisson.  It was so fun to be there all together!

More pictures from Christy

The "nursery"--so glad to have a new baby on the team!

Wint and Ty bonding by the pool! 

 Parks and Josiah hanging out during a meeting.  

Afternoon at the pool--so fun!

 Wint enjoyed swimming this time.

 We stayed as long as we could, and Parks even had a little nap while the others kept playing hard.

Sometimes it can be hard after these incredible getaways to go back to reality.  I've learned after many times coming home to a loud, full house that might have some troubles.  Sometimes it's India--specific craziness--like after one vacation, we came home to a broken electrical meter and ant homes in our kitchen.  Or, sometimes its just coming back home to the everyday, normal demands of life like housework or loudness that comes with a full, joyful family (i'm sure many can identify)!  So, I've learned to enjoy the times away, but also to pray and be thankful for going back home.  I pray about my expectations and attitude before going back home, even.  I'm not joking!

And, the evening we went home from the Radisson...here we are--no electricity!

We put our kids to sleep on their hard floor because it's the coolest (but not cool) place in their room. 

Welcome back to reality, folks!  Thanks for the getaway!!!

Sarala was between Parks and Sam before she got up in her soft bed.

We are SO thankful for little get aways and times of refreshment 

and even more for supporting loving churches and people that make it possible.  

It's amazing how wonderful it is!