This is a wordy, pictureless post...
but it shares some big things in my heart right now that I'm thankful to God to reveal and show to me.
I hope He uses it to spur you on to Himself and to have insight into my life and heart.
Today, I've been a little frustrated throughout the day...power out for a while today, toddlers running around and crying a little more than normal, squabbles between older kids, day 4 of being home without a husband, hard things going on with a friend that weigh heavy in my mind, etc...just the normal things that make any mama frustrated and a little on edge.
As some of the kids' sheets were finally dry, I was taking them up from the dryer (a wonderful, amazing appliance added to our home just recently) to make their beds. I still had remainders of grumbling in my heart previously because it would've been better if they were dry 4 hours ago--if they power had not been off--when I was putting the littles down for naps so they could've had their blankets and slept in their own beds, etc. Then, I heard kids playing out of the open window to the field. I often hear sounds and things going on that just incline me to look in the crazy field behind our house. Some of you have heard stories of this field. Today, there were slum kids playing in some nasty water from the monsoon that pools up behind our house. It started such a thought process to thankfulness in my mind that is so familiar for me with living in India. I often see something so different from my way of life that makes me sad or wonder or smile...and then I reflect...and often it leads to thankfulness. You see, this same water seeps into our water tank during monsoon and makes our water like mud. I HATE this water during monsoon. I'm so unthankful and frustrated about the water situation a lot. I'm convinced it carries giardia or all kinds of microscopic parasites and amoebas that make us sick. We are just sicker in monsoon than any other time....especially the little two that don't understand that drinking bath water will make you violently vomit or visit the toilet way too much all day long. They don't understand that not drying their hands well or putting your toothbrush under the sink water is just bad for your health. So, this water is just not good water for us.
But, for these slum kids or maybe they are the shepherd kids that actually live in this said field, this water is a blessing. They wash their clothes in it. They take baths in it. They use it for cooking. They play in it like it is a swimming pool. So, you see, it's just all relative in how one looks at it and sees it. Instead of cursing my kids' muddy bath water and declaring we're not taking anymore baths until monsoon is over, I am inclined to be thankful....thankful I have a water tank that bring water right into pipes inside my house. Thankful I don't have to walk to a well and pump water. Thankful I don't have to go to a muddy puddle in a field. Thankful I have a water filter that amazingly cleanses this water and is healthy for us to drink. Thankful I even have a hot water heater that heats up this water too, simply to make it pleasant to take a bath--a luxury here. Thankful, that even when it's so dry and hot that wells don't produce much water, I have the $$ and the ability to get water delivered to our house. So, this is what I mean when I speak of my thought processes to thankfulness.
I really do love living in India, and I'm glad we're here for so many reasons. One of the reasons I love living in India is because it truly exposes and brings to light a lot of my sin that I personally am blinded to when living in the US. I'm not saying that I don't see my sin in America....believe me, it's there--desires and covetousness, and other discontentment brings other things to light on that side of the world that I actually don't struggle as much with here. But, I would definitely say for me, personally, when I'm in the US, some of my sin can easily be hidden and pacified with comfort, ease, familiar, convenient, beauty, security, and distractions when we're in America. It's just harder to see certain sins in my life. When I'm in India...it's blatant and in my face and can just make me sick to my stomach when I'm not more broken or saddened or when I'm callous or numb. When I'm in India and normal life is harder, I'm squeezed a little harder, and when I'm squeezed....more of this sin comes dripping out, showing me it's ugly self! Also, in India, my eyes are opened to a different worldview and different culture and a different way of life for a lot of the world that makes me see more ugliness of my selfishness, my ungenerous heart, my skeptical heart, my pride, my discontentment and my lack of thanks.
My intentions here are to share my personal experience of how the Lord teaches me living overseas, I'm not wanting to convey that I believe one is not capable of learning and seeing these kind of things when living in the US. I'm simply thankful that I can see one more grace in how the Lord makes Himself known to me personally and refines me by being obedient and living abroad. These graces bless my soul--especially when times are hard!
When I'm having a tough time or being discontent, I can often jerk myself back into better thinking by simply thinking of how "it could always be worse" or think of someone that is in a tougher situation than myself. Or, when the going gets tough, I can think of my "worst case scenario" and then I realize I'll get through this. I definitely admit, this isn't "The Gospel" nor is it really "right thinking." But, generally, this is my personality, my default, and how I often start thinking through things as I process what's going on in my mind and get on my way to right thinking or Biblical Thinking or "Gospel-centered" thinking.
I so often, see some of my selfishness and self-centeredness in my discontentment. Therefore, seeing my sin and my pride, and my yuck. I know a lot of my "thinking of the worser" attitude is very self-help, psychological-like counseling, and it's not sustainable because it isn't eternal. There have been some times in the recent years, where I just couldn't make or help myself to think rightly because I truly needed the Gospel and the only eternal hope that gets us out of the pits of sadness and hard times. That is the Gospel, the truth, the sustainable hope that we need to think rightly. So, I recognize this so much as right, true, and the only hope. It's always best and right to think and reflect on our lives biblically and in light of the Gospel. These thoughts I want to share, however, are more along the lines of being thankful. So, that's kind of my disclaimer for this post. I sure do like to give disclaimers.
So now....back to grace in seeing my discontentment and unthankfulness in light of living in India. It is grace because it leads me to confession and repentance...and thankfulness and contentment...and that is a good place to be!
This has gotten wordy and rather long, so I'm dividing it up in to another post....
but it shares some big things in my heart right now that I'm thankful to God to reveal and show to me.
I hope He uses it to spur you on to Himself and to have insight into my life and heart.
Today, I've been a little frustrated throughout the day...power out for a while today, toddlers running around and crying a little more than normal, squabbles between older kids, day 4 of being home without a husband, hard things going on with a friend that weigh heavy in my mind, etc...just the normal things that make any mama frustrated and a little on edge.
As some of the kids' sheets were finally dry, I was taking them up from the dryer (a wonderful, amazing appliance added to our home just recently) to make their beds. I still had remainders of grumbling in my heart previously because it would've been better if they were dry 4 hours ago--if they power had not been off--when I was putting the littles down for naps so they could've had their blankets and slept in their own beds, etc. Then, I heard kids playing out of the open window to the field. I often hear sounds and things going on that just incline me to look in the crazy field behind our house. Some of you have heard stories of this field. Today, there were slum kids playing in some nasty water from the monsoon that pools up behind our house. It started such a thought process to thankfulness in my mind that is so familiar for me with living in India. I often see something so different from my way of life that makes me sad or wonder or smile...and then I reflect...and often it leads to thankfulness. You see, this same water seeps into our water tank during monsoon and makes our water like mud. I HATE this water during monsoon. I'm so unthankful and frustrated about the water situation a lot. I'm convinced it carries giardia or all kinds of microscopic parasites and amoebas that make us sick. We are just sicker in monsoon than any other time....especially the little two that don't understand that drinking bath water will make you violently vomit or visit the toilet way too much all day long. They don't understand that not drying their hands well or putting your toothbrush under the sink water is just bad for your health. So, this water is just not good water for us.
But, for these slum kids or maybe they are the shepherd kids that actually live in this said field, this water is a blessing. They wash their clothes in it. They take baths in it. They use it for cooking. They play in it like it is a swimming pool. So, you see, it's just all relative in how one looks at it and sees it. Instead of cursing my kids' muddy bath water and declaring we're not taking anymore baths until monsoon is over, I am inclined to be thankful....thankful I have a water tank that bring water right into pipes inside my house. Thankful I don't have to walk to a well and pump water. Thankful I don't have to go to a muddy puddle in a field. Thankful I have a water filter that amazingly cleanses this water and is healthy for us to drink. Thankful I even have a hot water heater that heats up this water too, simply to make it pleasant to take a bath--a luxury here. Thankful, that even when it's so dry and hot that wells don't produce much water, I have the $$ and the ability to get water delivered to our house. So, this is what I mean when I speak of my thought processes to thankfulness.
I really do love living in India, and I'm glad we're here for so many reasons. One of the reasons I love living in India is because it truly exposes and brings to light a lot of my sin that I personally am blinded to when living in the US. I'm not saying that I don't see my sin in America....believe me, it's there--desires and covetousness, and other discontentment brings other things to light on that side of the world that I actually don't struggle as much with here. But, I would definitely say for me, personally, when I'm in the US, some of my sin can easily be hidden and pacified with comfort, ease, familiar, convenient, beauty, security, and distractions when we're in America. It's just harder to see certain sins in my life. When I'm in India...it's blatant and in my face and can just make me sick to my stomach when I'm not more broken or saddened or when I'm callous or numb. When I'm in India and normal life is harder, I'm squeezed a little harder, and when I'm squeezed....more of this sin comes dripping out, showing me it's ugly self! Also, in India, my eyes are opened to a different worldview and different culture and a different way of life for a lot of the world that makes me see more ugliness of my selfishness, my ungenerous heart, my skeptical heart, my pride, my discontentment and my lack of thanks.
My intentions here are to share my personal experience of how the Lord teaches me living overseas, I'm not wanting to convey that I believe one is not capable of learning and seeing these kind of things when living in the US. I'm simply thankful that I can see one more grace in how the Lord makes Himself known to me personally and refines me by being obedient and living abroad. These graces bless my soul--especially when times are hard!
When I'm having a tough time or being discontent, I can often jerk myself back into better thinking by simply thinking of how "it could always be worse" or think of someone that is in a tougher situation than myself. Or, when the going gets tough, I can think of my "worst case scenario" and then I realize I'll get through this. I definitely admit, this isn't "The Gospel" nor is it really "right thinking." But, generally, this is my personality, my default, and how I often start thinking through things as I process what's going on in my mind and get on my way to right thinking or Biblical Thinking or "Gospel-centered" thinking.
I so often, see some of my selfishness and self-centeredness in my discontentment. Therefore, seeing my sin and my pride, and my yuck. I know a lot of my "thinking of the worser" attitude is very self-help, psychological-like counseling, and it's not sustainable because it isn't eternal. There have been some times in the recent years, where I just couldn't make or help myself to think rightly because I truly needed the Gospel and the only eternal hope that gets us out of the pits of sadness and hard times. That is the Gospel, the truth, the sustainable hope that we need to think rightly. So, I recognize this so much as right, true, and the only hope. It's always best and right to think and reflect on our lives biblically and in light of the Gospel. These thoughts I want to share, however, are more along the lines of being thankful. So, that's kind of my disclaimer for this post. I sure do like to give disclaimers.
So now....back to grace in seeing my discontentment and unthankfulness in light of living in India. It is grace because it leads me to confession and repentance...and thankfulness and contentment...and that is a good place to be!
This has gotten wordy and rather long, so I'm dividing it up in to another post....
1 comment:
love you friend! and love hearing your heart. so thankful for you!
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